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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26666899">no other shade of blue but you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pallavens/pseuds/pallavens'>pallavens</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Naruto Epilogue Compliant, Slow Burn, not Boruto Compliant</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:15:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,836</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26666899</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pallavens/pseuds/pallavens</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>naruto sometimes can't help but wonder if things could've ended up different.</p><p>but he never thought that question would be answered.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>no other shade of blue but you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so. it's been quite some years since i last read naruto, and i never read/watched boruto, so as the tags mention, this won't be boruto compliant. basically, pretend the manga ended in chapter 699, and I'll pick it up from there!</p><p>it all starts four years after the war. </p><p>i haven't written anything for a while so, please, be kind. i hope you all enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it. </p><p>oh, also. I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes. english is not my first language (:</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“We’re all set up?”</p><p>“Yup, all done.”</p><p>“See you tomorrow, then.”</p><p>“See ya!” Naruto waves to the other village’s shinobi, watches as they walk towards the opposite direction, back to their hotels. Shikamaru and Temari remain by his side, and Naruto heaves a deep breath as they turn on the corner. “Fucking shit, this was a long meeting.”</p><p>“Welcome to organization committees,” Shikamaru says with his arms crossed, rolling his eyes. “They suck.”</p><p>“Stop complaining you two,” Temari says, folding her arms, “You’re worse than Kankuro. I never thought I’d ever say that.”</p><p>“Oh c’mon, you hate it too.” Shikamaru turns around to face her. “You were almost sleeping when the Rain kunoichi was speaking.”</p><p>“No, I wasn’t.”</p><p>“Yes, you were.”</p><p>“What’s her name again?” Naruto asks, deep into thought, but not a single name comes to his head. Himeji? Erika? Tomoyo?</p><p>“Minami,” Temari says, with an exasperated expression, turns back and points a finger at Shikamaru. “And no, I wasn’t. I’m a Shinobi of the Sand, appointed by the Kazekage himself to oversee the Chuunin preparations. My only job is to pay attention. Honestly, am I the only adult here? These,” she points at the two of them, “are the probable candidates for the next Kage of the Leaf?”</p><p>Those are the sort of moments that always make Naruto wonder if he even likes Temari. He frowns. “You speak as though Shikamaru has any chance.”</p><p>Now Shikamaru frowns. “And you speak as though I’d want to be Hokage. It’s all yours for the taking. It’s too much of a bother.” He looks at Naruto with a lopsided smile. “Though I don't think it's me you should worry about. Isn’t Sakura also being mentioned now?”</p><p>“What?” Naruto shouts, hands on his face in complete horror. No, no. Not Sakura. Shikamaru Naruto can handle, because he knows he can just make him give it up. But Sakura? “Oh, man. No. No! Don’t tell me that.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s what I heard,” Shikamaru drags his words, staring at his nails as though they’re so interesting. He’s enjoying giving him this news, the piece of shit. “You two can duke it out, I don’t wannit. It’s too much shit to do, and too little payout.”</p><p>“Ah, yeah? Too much shit to do? What was the oh-so-honorable and busy Sixth doing today, then? Sleeping, that’s what— ”</p><p>“Are you talking like that about the Hokage, Naruto?” A voice comes out of nowhere, eerie and dangerous. Naruto jumps in his place, looks back in horror, only to find Sakura smiling innocently at him. “Hey, Shikamaru. Temari. What are you all doing here so late?”</p><p>“Attending a Chuunin exam meeting with the other village’s shinobis,” Naruto says, as though it’s the worst thing in the world. </p><p>Temari shakes her head. "Honestly, Sakura, I wish you were in the meeting with us. They—"</p><p>“Ugh, those suck!" Sakura says before Temari could finish, and the expression alone in the Sand Kunoichi's face was enough to make Naruto's day a bit brighter. </p><p>"Nevermind," she whispers to Shikamaru, who makes a good successful attempt to repress laughter. Temari stares at Sakura with something so close to disappointment that Naruto almost feels sorry for her. Almost. “I’m done with you all,” she says, voice monotone. “Shikamaru. Let’s go.”</p><p>“Yup,” Shikamaru agrees, motions for the two of them before heading left. Interesting.Temari is staying in the same hotel as the other shinobi’s, but the two of them are heading straight to the way to Shikamaru's place. When he turns around, Sakura seems to have the same thoughts as his, her smile mirroring his own. </p><p>“Are the two of them—?” She starts, Naruto shrugs. </p><p>“I never know. One moment I’m sure they’re already dating. The other she’s calling him useless. And then calling <i>me</i> useless,” he adds, for some sympathy. Sakura has none to offer. “Anyway, I think they are.”</p><p>“Lucky,” Sakura says, staring as their backs grow more and more distant, hidden by the dark. For a second, Naruto is almost sure Shikamaru reaches out and holds Temari’s hand. He sort of agrees with Sakura. Sort of. “Meanwhile, here we are. Still single.”</p><p>Naruto turns around to face her again. “Well, you know. That can always be solved.”</p><p>“Do you want to go to sleep with a broken lip?”</p><p>“No, I don’t.”</p><p>“So, shut up. I have something more important to tell you.” She smiles, hands together in front of her hand. “Sasuke will arrive here tomorrow!”</p><p>“<i>WHAT</i>?” Naruto shouts, making the people around them stare, even a woman come to stare from the window. He doesn’t care, and they should know better by now. “That son of a— Why didn’t he warn me? Why did he warn <i>you</i> but not <i>me</i>?”</p><p>Sakura makes a cute face. “Maybe I’m special to Sasuke and you’re not,” she holds the pose for a second, drops it. “He didn’t warn me, Naruto. Kakashi did. He warned the Hokage. Seems they’ll talk about some mission stuff, I have no idea. But he’s coming.”</p><p>She starts walking, and Naruto follows her. They live in the same direction, so it’s not unusual for him to walk her home after her shifts in the hospital. </p><p>"He's such a fucking asshole. Not even warning us," Naruto places both hands at the back of his neck as they walk, pouting. "He could at least say something. How long has it been? A year?"</p><p>"Yeah, yeah," Sakura agrees, nodding. "But you know how he is."</p><p>"A fucking asshole."</p><p>"Naruto," she reprehends him, but she's smiling. "Now he takes longer and longer to come back, doesn't he?"</p><p>Naruto nods. "At least he does."</p><p>"I guess so."</p><p>They walk in silence for a while, nothing but the hustle of leaves and the calming sound of the river. Naruto feels anything but calm now though, an odd, dull pain right in the middle of his chest. He coughs, as though that seems to be the problem. Sakura heaves a deep sigh. He can't help but wonder if they're feeling the same thing. </p><p>"Anyway," she places a lock of hair behind her ear, face back to something akin to excitement. "I was thinking of doing something. Something small, just between us. A team seven reunion. I already spoke to Kakashi and he also thinks it's a good idea, though he also thinks Sasuke can just not… really want it."</p><p>Naruto shrugs. "I don't care what he wants, let's do it," he gives a thumbs up to Sakura, a smile as wide as he can manage with his chest hurting so much. The smile she gives him is enough for his troubles. "he'll end up enjoying it, I'm sure. Just us then?"</p><p>"Yeah," she looks at him in a way that Naruto understands, "it's not like everyone else—"</p><p>"Everyone else can suck my—"</p><p>"Naruto, is not like he's really trying, is it? I mean, I love Sasuke but," she trails off, stops walking. Naruto stops too, and only now notices they're already in front of her house. "He's never here."</p><p>Naruto feels his jaw tightening. "He's doing a lot for the village."</p><p>"I'm not saying he isn't. But he's never here. No one knows what he's doing. We know. But. He’s never here,” she says again, voice getting firmer, reminding him of grandma Tsunade for a second. “In any case,” she starts again as their eyes meet. “Kakashi said they’re going to meet in the afternoon, and I told us to be there around noon, is that okay for you?”</p><p>“Yup!” He agrees. “See ya tomorrow, then.”</p><p>“See you, Naruto,” Sakura smiles, turns around before pausing by her gate. “Oi. Don’t you dare hog all of Sasuke’s time tomorrow!”</p><p>“What?” Naruto squeals. “What do you even mean by that?”</p><p>“You know exactly what I mean!”</p><p>“No, I don’t!” Naruto retorts, but she already closed her gate, waves goodbye at him. Naruto watches as she closes the door, stays there for a little second too long. Then he walks towards his own house. The pain in his chest doesn’t go away, it just gets worse as he opens the door, turns on the light to his empty house. </p><p>Naruto then proceeds on a series of repetitive, routine-like tasks that he does almost with no thought to it. He takes a bath, then heats his ramen. He sits by the window as he eats, staring at the sky. Once he’s done he throws it somewhere, lies down as he kicks his pants off and stares out of the window. </p><p>There’s a crispness to the air of that night, something almost cold to it. Naruto breathes in deep like he does so many nights, until his heart aches in his rib cage. He lets it go. Once thoughts start coming he closes his eyes, forces himself to think of other things. He thinks about the Chuunin exams, about the meeting. He thinks about the fact that Sasuke is coming tomorrow. Though, weirdly, the thought of Sasuke’s face makes that terrible thing in his chest grow more painful, choking. </p><p>Loneliness. It’s not something new for him. And even now—</p><p>He closes his eyes, stubborn, throws the thought to some corner of his mind. And then, still stubborn, forces himself to sleep. </p><p> </p><p>————-</p><p>Naruto wakes up that morning caught between a scream and gasp, heart beating so fast it makes him dizzy. He sits on his bed while panting, eyes wide, scanning the dim lighted room. Morning seems to have just arrived. </p><p>No blood on his hands, he counts, none of the walls, no one here with him. The dream he had already vanished from his mind, but its effect lingers on his body and heart. The fear. The anxiety. The way he's frozen in place, battle ready, senses so sharp he can hear the bones of the old man that lives above him cracking as he walks around. After a few seconds of breathing, he reaches out his trembling hand and gets the glass of water on his bedside table. </p><p>Slowly he breathes. And since he knows sleep won't come to him again, he stands up.</p><p>Every time he thinks the dreams have stopped, they come back worse than before. They had started one year after the war. It wasn't right away. For an entire year, Naruto has felt fine in the same way he has always felt fine his whole life — burying it deep with a smile. But this is the thing he doesn't know, not even now: certain bodies won't stay buried. They become ghosts. And they haunt and haunt until they're acknowledged. </p><p>But instead of doing that, Naruto makes coffee and leaves for the day. At least he won't be late for once. </p><p>"Well, it'll rain cats and dogs today," Temari says as he approached the two of them. They're sitting on a bench right in front of the Hokage's building l, cups of tea in their hands. "Look who's here. On time!"</p><p>"Can't you just compliment me like a normal person? When you say it like that it loses all the fun."</p><p>Temari takes a sip of her tea. "I'll not compliment you for doing the bare minimum, Naruto. I'm not Shikamaru."</p><p>"Oi!" Shikamaru exclaims, obviously not wanting to be a part of that narrative. He looks at Naruto then, winces. "aware you okay? You look like shit."</p><p>"Yeah, yeah," Naruto yawns, sits down on the bench on Temari's side. "Didn't sleep that well."</p><p>"Those nightmares? Again?"</p><p>Naruto shrugs. He doesn't want to talk about the nightmares, and Shikamaru always gets protective whenever he does. He himself had his own, Naruto remembers. Shikamaru may now seem better, but for months he wouldn't even smile. </p><p>"Do you know who's coming today?" Naruto starts before Shikamaru can continue. He knows what he'll say. Talk to Sakura. Take a break. Stop pushing yourself. Naruto doesn't want to hear it. "Sasuke!"</p><p>"Oh, yeah?" Shikamaru's reaction is a raised eyebrow and then a click of his tongue, annoyed. "I need to warn the guards then. Get security tighter."</p><p>"What—"</p><p>"It's the procedure, Naruto," he replies, grave. "What is he coming here for?"</p><p>"He was forgiven, you know," Naruto whines. They've had this fight a million times and today he's more tired of it than ever. "And the is his village. But if you must know he's coming to talk to Kakashi."</p><p>"Kakashi? Oh, then the guards must know already." The face Naruto makes must have show all his indignation, because he rolls his eyes, burns down his cigarette on the bench. "Who do you think made the procedures?" He says, a little too rough for Naruto's taste, stands and leaves then behind. Naruto breathes in, buries his face on his hands. Fuck this. He's too tired, too sleepy and too grumpy for this.</p><p>Temari clears her throat.</p><p>"About these dreams," she starts, a little hesitant. Naruto looks up to her. "Gaara had them. Once. After the Chuunin exams. I didn't even want him to come because I know—" She trails off, her voice always so firm cracking around the edges. She breathes in. "But at the time the elders made him this tea that helped him a lot. It didn't drive the dreams away, that happened with the years but. It helped. If you wanted I can give you the recipe."</p><p>The boy stares at her for a second, mind too hazy to form any words. When he's able to, he says, "I don't understand you at all."</p><p>Much for his surprise, Temari smiles brightly. "I'll take that as a good thing." She stands up, drinks the rest of her tea. "C'mon. I'm not going to be late because of you."</p><p> </p><p>———</p><p> </p><p>Never has a meeting gone by so slowly, though.</p><p>It seems like time has decided to go against him, slowing down and down with each passing second. Naruto tries to keep calm, but as the day goes on he gets more and more anxious, tapping his leg, his pen, his fingers. Temari seems to be about to murder him but much to his luck the meeting finally, finally ends before she is angry enough to do so.p</p><p>This time, he doesn’t walk with his friends as usual. Naruto waves them goodbye in a rush, almost runs through the corridor on his way up, towards the Hokage's office. Once he reaches the last floor, he sees Sakura already there, waiting, a basket on her hands. She’s not staring at him, though. There’s a fond, shy smile on his face, one Naruto quite knows. Hated even, once, long ago. But nor anymore. He follows the direction of her gaze and then stops at the top of the stairs. For a second there, the world seems to come to a halt.</p><p>Sasuke turns around, his eyes meet his. The smile that comes to Naruto’s face is so easy, so simple. And for the infinite duration of beat of his heart, Naruto can see a smile on Sasuke’s face too.</p><p>“Sasuke!” He calls as he runs towards Sasuke and Kakashi, and Sakura follows suit, the two of them making far too much noise in front of the Hokage's office  Sasuke is already back to his usual frown, complaining when Sakura hugs him too tight.</p><p>“Thought you’d be rid of us, idiot?” Naruto asks, punches his arm. Sasuke looks up with furrowed brows, holds his hit arm. </p><p>“What are you even talking about?” He asks, serious. </p><p>Sakura crosses her arms over her chest. “Don’t act the fool. You didn’t even tell us you were coming!”</p><p>“And it’s been years!” Naruto adds.</p><p>Sasuke shakes his head. “Hardly.”</p><p>“One year and a half. Right? Kakashi?”</p><p>Their old mentor shrugs. “I haven’t been counting, Naruto.”</p><p>“I— I haven’t either,” Naruto adds, embarrassed. Puts his attention back at Sasuke. “Why didn’t you tell us?”</p><p>“I was going to when I arrived. It’s just a quick visit, anyway, I need to—”</p><p>“Shut up. Sakura, get him!”</p><p>“Yes!” Sakura agrees at once, slides to Sasuke’s side and grabs his arm. Naruto goes right to the other side and grabs the other. The indignified sound Sasuke makes is music to Naruto’s ears. </p><p>“Let’s go! Kakashi!” Naruto calls back, and he can see the smile on his professor’s face even through the mask. “Team 7, assemble!”</p><p>“Oi, Naruto,” Sakura starts, “Shouldn’t you let Kakashi say that? At least let him pretend he’s still our leader.”</p><p>Sasuke snorts, Naruto looks back at Kakashi who now just looks tired. “Just a reminder I’m the Hokage, you know.”</p><p>“You’re a seat warmer that’s what you are!” Naruto says, the boredom and anxiety of the day leaving him, making him light. He looks to his side and Sasuke looks back to his own shoes, but the frown on his face now looks much, much less severe. </p><p>Naruto’s smile grows. “Let’s go!” He shouts. </p><p> </p><p>——————</p><p> </p><p>	They end up settling in the Hokage’s rooftop at first, mostly out of fear that if they have to walk too much Sasuke will just vanish at some point. It wouldn’t be without precedents. But they set a grill on the rooftop, Kakashi bringing up beer and sake out of only the hokage knows where. Naruto knows better than to ask too much. </p><p>	The soft summer breeze makes that odd ache in Naruto’s chest easier, and as the night goes on it just gets better and better. There’s nothing in this world that Naruto loves more than this: the sound of Sakura’s laughter right as he says something stupid, Kakashi’s hand on his shoulder as he talks about some mission from his old days, that short “unf” sound Sasuke makes as he looks away just so no one sees that he’s laughing too. It’s moments like this that makes Naruto feel that nothing has changed, not a single piece of what they used to be. And that brings him comfort. </p><p>	Even if it’s a lie.<br/>
But he won’t think about that tonight. </p><p>	“--- and then, well,” Sakura sighs, takes another sip of her drink. “Once again I had to go there and do all the work. Sometimes I feel they do that on purpose, you know. They all just stand there and look at me in awe.”</p><p>	Naruto shrugs. “You are a war hero and the best medical ninja in the entire world. You even surpassed grandma Tsunade. That makes sense.”</p><p>	“I know, but it’s weird,” Sakura winces, stares at him and Sasuke. “How do you two deal with that? With the people thinking you’re so great?”</p><p>	Naruto doesn’t understand the question. “I love that.”</p><p>	“I don’t deal with people,” Sasuke answers and Sakura laughs, looks to her side. Then she frowns.</p><p>	“Where is Kakashi?”</p><p>	Naruto only notices the absence of their professor now too, exaggeratedly looking from one side to the other. “AGAIN?”</p><p>	“Why does he always do that?”</p><p>	“Did you guys really only notice it now?” Sasuke asks, smug as only the little shit can be. “He has a very strong chakra.”</p><p>	“I wasn’t paying attention to chakra!” Naruto retorts, annoyed. “I was paying attention to Sakura. She was speaking, Sasuke, in case you haven't noticed. It's called being a gentleman ”</p><p>	Sasuke snorts. “You need to pay attention to sense chakra?” He asks, eyebrows raised. Naruto could punch him. Right here and then. He could punch the shit out of him  “Kakashi was right. If it keeps going like this, Sakura will become Hokage.”</p><p>	“Haha!” Sakura laughs, triumphant. Naruto squints his eyes at her, suddenly standing up, fists on the air as though he's about to fight. </p><p>	“She also didn’t notice his chakra was gone!”</p><p>	“Oh!” Sasuke does, looks pensive. “Then maybe it’ll be Shikamaru.”</p><p>	“What?” Sakura exclaims, high pitched. Naruto laughs being very pleased. Maybe he shouldn’t, because he’s still being made fun of, but at least now he’s not the only one. “I don’t even want to be Hokage, anyway.”</p><p>	“You don’t?” Naruto asks, any humiliation forgotten. “Oh, that’s so good to hear. Seriously, Sakura, you wouldn't do that for me, would you? For the sake of our old love.”</p><p>"What are you talking about, you moron?" She shouts, makes Naruto cover his head out of instinct. "Keep spewing lies and I'll become Hokage out of spite!"</p><p>"Boo, Sakura, please!"</p><p>	Sasuke seems amused. “You are really that worried?”</p><p>That makes Sakura stop trying to kill Naruto and look at Sasuke with a serious expression. "Why? Shouldn't he be?"</p><p>The way she looks at him, well, it makes even Sasuke freeze in his place. He holds his hands up in front of his chest, surrendering. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just that he," he motions to Naruto awkwardly, "I mean. I thought it was a given, that's all."</p><p>	“Well, suddenly there was so much competition. Being a goddamn war hero and everything I thought I had it in the bag!” Naruto sits back down again, fills everyone’s drink. Then he looks back at Sasuke with a smile, reaches out to him. “but I'm glad at least you believe in me, Sasuke. My one best friend."</p><p>"Shut up and don't touch me."</p><p>Sakura giggles in a way that makes Naruto already feel the blow coming. "You are not thinking of being Hokage, are you, Sasuke?” She says, her voice as sweet as honey. </p><p>	Naruto almost spits out her drink. “Again?”</p><p>	“Stop that,” Sasuke says, closing his eyes in embarrassment. </p><p>	“What was even with you that time?” Sakura asks, leaning forward, as though she's staring at some interesting subject to be learned. “It was really—”</p><p>	“Can we not talk about that? Please?”</p><p>	“He was just fucking with us,” Naruto tells Sakura, matter of factly, “He thought, what is the most absurd thing I can say after being gone for years. And that's what he came up with. I think it was genius."</p><p>	“Please!” Sasuke buries his face in his hands, right over his ears. Naruto and Sakura cackle together, terrible in their amusement over their friend’s suffering. It’s the least he deserves, Naruto thinks. A little humiliation for years of heartache seems fair enough. “I already said that was stupid.”</p><p>	“Did you?” Sakura asks, places a hand on her chest. “Not to me.”</p><p>	“Well,” Sasuke says, voice low and eyes dangerous. Maybe Sakura should be scared, Naruto thinks, but her smile doesn’t even twitch. “Now you know.”</p><p>	The girl laughs, amused, then she stands up, massages the back of her neck before letting out a sigh. “This has been fun but I have to go now,” she stretches, “Early shift tomorrow.”</p><p>	“But tomorrow is Saturday!” Naruto whines and Sakura smiles, brushes him off. She places a hand on his shoulder as she says her goodbyes, hesitates a bit before deciding not to do the same to Sasuke, smiling slightly, a little awkward. Sasuke clears his throat.</p><p>"You two behave. Don't do anything stupid," she tells him, squeezes his shoulder so much it hurts.  "If you're still here tomorrow, Sasuke, we could have lunch together. All of us."</p><p>"I don't think I'll be," Sasuke says, and here it is the second time Naruto wants to punch him. But this time the idiot has the decency to smile. "But thanks, Sakura. I'll make sure to say goodbye, anyway."</p><p>The girl smiles. "You better."</p><p>And then she turns on her heels and leaves. There’s a hint of something in Naruto’s heart as he watches her go, something twisted and odd that he can’t quite recognize. When he looks back, Sasuke also has his glare lost at wherever Sakura had been just a few seconds ago, looking away as soon as he notices Naruto’s stare. That hint in his chest grows to pain, so Naruto stands up and smiles. </p><p>“Oi,” he says, picks up a sake bottle, “Let’s go somewhere better.”</p><p>Sasuke shakes his head. “It’s late, Naruto. We should—-”</p><p>“We should go somewhere better,” Naruto cuts him off, shoves the other bottle in Sasuke's hand. “C’mon. Just one night. You owe me!”</p><p>His best friend stares at him with that stare that tells Naruto that one day pulling the whole “I saved you from eternal damnation and also most importantly prison and exile” card won’t work anymore. Not that he cares, he’ll use it until he can. </p><p>“Whatever,” Sasuke replies, shrugs. “Lead the way.”</p><p>“Always do,” Naruto says right before jumping from the edge of the building.</p><p>———————-</p><p> </p><p>There’s something that Naruto enjoys about being in one of the highest points of the village, about staring at it from above, seeing every street, every alley. The same place he used to climb to so many years ago as a child only to show that he could and make a mockery out of it. Now, Naruto just likes it for the view.</p><p>Sasuke drinks silently by his side, eyes lost in the village as well and Naruto can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling. Whenever Naruto stares at Konoha from here he feels warmth, a sense of belonging. But Sasuke— </p><p>What are you thinking? He wants to ask, but instead he says:</p><p> </p><p>"You wanna know who is arriving tomorrow?"</p><p> </p><p>"Hm?" Sasuke asks. Eloquent as always.</p><p> </p><p>"Gaara!" He exclaims in his drunken happiness.</p><p> </p><p>"Hmmmmm."</p><p> </p><p>"He's the Kazekage. Isn't that cool?" Naruto says, matter-of-factly, with so much pride that it brings a smile to his face. "That's so cool."</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke furrows his eyebrows. "Yeah, I know that, idiot. He’s been a Kage for years.” He looks back at him, a twisted smile on his face. “Should you be Hokage by this point, anyway? Now they’re even thinking of other names.”</p><p> </p><p>Naruto stares at him, face devoid of any devotion. "You know. For my best friend you're just very cruel to me all the time for no valid reason or whatsoever."</p><p> </p><p>His friend tries to suppress a smile. Tries to. Naruto can see it, though, creeping in. Small victories for Uzumaki Naruto, after all. "Not all the time."</p><p> </p><p>"Oh well, the little time that you're here, you are very cruel."</p><p> </p><p>"Not you too," Sasuke says, rolling his eyes. Even slightly drunk Naruto knows this probably isn't the first time he has had that discussion today alone. "I'm doing missions. For the village. On my own."</p><p> </p><p>"You can do missions from here too."</p><p> </p><p>"Okay."</p><p> </p><p>"You could help us more from here."</p><p> </p><p>"No, I couldn't," Sasuke replies, stares at him, "How much shit did I get ourselves out for being out there? Many."</p><p> </p><p>Naruto brushes him off. "That's stupid. How can you go back to being a proud shinobi of the Leaf if you’re never here? That’s the point I’m trying to make."</p><p> </p><p>"Ugh, can we not--," he leans, suddenly, a little too close to the edge. Naruto shouts, places a protective arm in front of him, but Sasuke is already leaning back, quick, laughing. A sound so foreign and yet so dear it sends a cool shiver down Naruto’s spine. </p><p> </p><p>"Are you crazy? Don't you dare falling. Sakura would kill me if you died! And I'm the next Hokage!"</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke makes a funny, incredulous sound. "I wouldn't <i>die</i>. I probably would just. I don't know. Do something," he makes some lazy gestures with his hands, as though making jutsus. "Or you'd do your lightning thing and save me."</p><p> </p><p>"Maybe I got tired of saving you, Uchiha Sasuke." Naruto says and Sasuke snorts.</p><p> </p><p>"Fucking finally." He takes the bottle Naruto is hogging, drinks from it. Naruto watches him with an expression that is something caught between amusement and surprise, and then he bursts into laughter, falling into his back, lying down. The sky is so clear tonight that he can see every star shining amidst the darkness. It reminds him of nights years ago, nights he spent staring from his window at those same stars, at that very same moon, wondering where Sasuke was. Wondering when he'd be back home.</p><p> </p><p>Now here he is. Sitting right by his side. If Naruto does as much as reach out his arm he can touch him, feel him. And yet.</p><p>Stay, he wants to say. </p><p>Please stay. </p><p>But he doesn't. </p><p>"I mean it, though," he says, drunk and stupid. "You could help me with things. I could help you. It'd be fun. We could ask Sakura and be a team again!"</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke doesn't look back. "Now you're just being stupid."</p><p> </p><p>"Yes, I do.You know, I mentioned Gaara because we'll have the Chuunin exams next week. I was thinking. They asked me to create one of the tests. Maybe you could stay just for a while longer you know, help us out. Maybe even be a---"</p><p> </p><p>"I'm not staying, Naruto. Not for long. Not now, at least. I help more from the outside," he says again, firmer this time. A second of silence follows, and then Sasuke lies down by his side as well, eyes in the sky. He lets out a sigh. "Besides, everyone here hates me."</p><p> </p><p>"That's bullshit!"</p><p> </p><p>"Really?" He turns to face him, eyebrows raised. "Really?"</p><p> </p><p>"Well, it's not everyone." Naruto smiles. "I don't."</p><p> </p><p>Sasuke rolls his eyes, shakes his head. "Oh, and Sakura too."</p><p> </p><p>"And Kakashi! And he’s the Hokage, so he counts for a hundred of us!"</p><p> </p><p>"Thanks, Naruto."</p><p> </p><p>For a second, Naruto doesn't know if Sasuke is being sarcastic or not. All he knows is that the smile vanished from his lips, and he's again looking at the sky with that look in his eyes that makes Naruto feel anxious, lost. As though staring at something he is about to lose. So he does what he always does whenever he feels like that. He just keeps going. </p><p> </p><p>"Hey. Betcha you can’t sneak into Kakashi’s house and get us more booze."</p><p> </p><p>It takes a while. But Sasuke just stares back at him, smirking. </p><p> </p><p>And then they’re on their way. </p><p>————-</p><p>He has no idea what time is it when he arrives home. All he knows is that he's drunk beyond repair, that at some point Kakashi appeared and that he was the one who took him and Sasuke home. He also has this vivid memory of Sasuke, bright eyed, blushed, laughing as they fought that fills his chest in a way that it almost feels like being full for the first time.</p><p> </p><p>When he’s dropped home he stumbles inside, trips, almost makes too much of a mess. On his almost fall, Naruto catches his balance by leaning against his desk, a portrait on top of it almost falling to the ground. He catches it last minute, sits down heavily. In the portrait, the old Team 7 looks at him with the brightness only nostalgia can bring. </p><p>Naruto smiles, lost in a minute in all those years again. He traces Sakura’s face with his finger, remembers the time when he would follow her around. His first love. The idea of it now makes him giggle, shifts in his place so he leans against his desk. And to think there was a time there when he almost thought he and Sakura would be a thing, when he almost believed what he felt for her she felt back as well. And maybe she did. Naruto will never know, will he? He never asked. They never talked about it. It just grew out of them, like so many other things. </p><p>So many things from those years are just muddled in his heart, a mess of feelings that got completely covered by the fear and anxiety and the pain of war.</p><p>Another what if to his collection. Naruto has a whole bunch of them, so many in the back of his mind he could write a whole book about them.</p><p>What if their parents didn't die.<br/>
What if he had known Jiraya was going to fight Pain.<br/>
What if he had told Sakura at least once, properly, seriously, how he felt about her.<br/>
What if he had reached a hand to Sasuke back when they were kids instead of hated him just for being better.<br/>
What if he had asked Sasuke to stay with him when he left, again, and again. Would he had stayed? For him?</p><p>Naruto closes his eyes, head spinning a bit. He feels a wave of nausea as he slips to the side, crashes against the chest by the side of his desk filled with scrolls and old things he never took a look at anymore. Just to take his mind out of the ache that now fills it, Naruto opens it, looks around aimlessly. Scrolls of jutsus he tried to create but never worked. Notes of missions that he never finished. And then he finds it, something he has long forgotten about. A medium-sized wooden box, sealed. Naruto stares at it with interest, remembering the day Jiraya gave it to him.</p><p>A jutsu he created but never dared to use. A jutsu Jiraya himself was scared of. Naruto picks it up, places it on his lap as he opens it. The scroll is small, simple. He tries to remember what the jutsu was about, but he can't for the life of him remember it now. All he remembers was that his teacher looked grave as he talked about it, gave it to him, in case one day he'd need it.</p><p>"In case one day you want to look back," he had said, Naruto remembers. "But I hope you don't have so much regret."</p><p>What did he mean? Naruto wonders as he opens the scroll, stares at the signs.</p><p><i>To look back</i>.</p><p>In an impulse, he reads the words. He does the signs. His heart beating so fast inside his chest he can barely breathe.</p><p>But once he's done nothing happens. Not a single thing. His room remains the same. The scroll is still on his lap, staring back at him with mockery. Naruto feels foolish for a second, giggles, all alone. There's no jutsus that can bring back the past. Ugh, this is Sasuke's fault he thinks as he stands up, leaves the scroll on the floor, he can fix the mess tomorrow. He always makes him nostalgic like this, fucking stupid idiot. He turns off the light.</p><p>In silence, Naruto makes his way to his bedroom, stares at his empty bed before throwing himself into it, feeling his head spinning and spinning. For fuck’s sake, Temari will murder him tomorrow morning. But that’s a problem of the Naruto of the future. </p><p>For now, he sleeps.</p><p>—————————</p><p>"So, you're leaving?"</p><p>Sasuke stares at him with something that Naruto can't quite pinpoint, but that's the thing with Sasuke now, isn’t it? When they were younger, as young as twelve, Naruto understood his eyes very well. Because he saw in them what he saw in his own: loneliness, pain, anger. But then they changed.</p><p>Everything did. </p><p>For a while after that, all Naruto saw in them the few times he was able to reach him was a hollowness filled up with hate. But then after everything after the war, after their fight, he just can't read him anymore. And as much as he wishes, he simply can't look at him and tell him they should understand each other with their fists. They did that, didn't they? And for a time there it worked, but now? Now Naruto is just confused.</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"But Sakura—"</p><p>"She has nothing to do with this."</p><p>"How has she nothing to do with this? We really thought you were going to stay this time. And she lov—”</p><p>"I don't want to talk about this."</p><p>"Stop cutting me off, asshole!"</p><p>"Then stop asking me questions, idiot!"</p><p>"Why?" Naruto asks, foolishly, even childishly. Sasuke looks away from him and back to the road. Naruto can see the tension on his jaw. He can almost feel the tension in his own body. "I just wanna know why."</p><p>Why are you leaving again?<br/>
Why did I have to go to hell and back for you, and still it's not enough?<br/>
When will it ever be enough?</p><p>"Do you think there's any way things could be different?" Sasuke asks, looks at him. And Naruto wishes he didn't. Because there's something here, this very thing that Naruto can't grasp in his eyes that makes him breathless for a second. Renders him speechless, something Naruto rarely is. He always speaks, doesn't? Whatever comes to his mind. But sometimes when he looks at Sasuke he doesn't understand what he's thinking, can't quite get it. It's so much, it becomes nothing. </p><p>"I hoped," he trails off, takes a step closer. Sasuke widens his eyes. "I thought—" Again. Nothing. Sasuke looks away.</p><p>He seems. Disappointed?</p><p>Why? What did he do?</p><p>"You're not responsible for me, Naruto. Were not kids anymore. And I'm fine", he adds, as though hearing his thoughts. </p><p>"It's not about that, Sasuke. I just don't want you to leave again. Sakura—-"</p><p>Sasuke groans. "Stop talking about Sakura!"</p><p>"But." A pause again. Sasuke steps away from him. Naruto doesn't do a thing to reach out for him. Not this time. Not <i>again</i>. He’s fucking done with doing all the reaching. He simply bails his hands into fist, annoyance flaring easily the way it does whenever Sasuke just… is. "Fine! Go then!"</p><p>"I was about to if you didn't stop me like the idiot you are."</p><p>"Go! Get the hell out if you want so much. Fucking asshole!"</p><p>Much to his surprise, Sasuke smiles. Which just makes him even angrier. </p><p>“See you,” his best friends says as he turns his back on him. Again. “Naruto.”</p><p>Little does Naruto know he'll wonder about that smile until years, and years, and years later.</p><p>----------------------------</p><p>When he wakes up, the sun is already up. Naruto groans and shifts to the other side, places the cover above his head. He doesn’t remember leaving the curtains wide open last night, but ugh, by the way his head is bursting in pain he probably remembers very little.  Oh, well, he can deal with that later. Now he just needs five more minutes before finally getting up.</p><p>There's a weird smell in the covers. Not weird as in bad, just different. Naruto likes it, actually, it's sort of familiar though he can't pinpoint from where. But it soothes him, a sense of familiarity and home-ness to it that makes Naruto feel heavier against his mattress (that also feels different by the way. A little harder? When did that happen?), almost drifting back to sleep. Until he hears a sigh.</p><p>Wait.</p><p>He knows that sigh.</p><p>Naruto takes the cover out of his head, opens his eyes, startled. Okay. He’s not in his room. He doesn’t know where the fuck he is, but this is not this room. His room is not this organized, and not this well furnished. And he’d never have his curtains wide open like that. But as weird, as odd as the room is, it’s not what scares him the most. </p><p>It’s the fact that Sasuke is leaning against the doorway, all dressed up in clothes he doesn’t recognize, a mug of coffee in his hand as he stares at Naruto with nothing but disappointment. Okay. That Naruto can get. </p><p>“Do you plan to sleep the whole morning?” He asks. Naruto tries to understand what is going on. Maybe he didn’t go home as he first thought. Maybe he went to Kakashi’s home. Yes. Maybe Kakashi brought both him and Sasuke to his house and this is why they’re here. Though Naruto doesn’t understand why Sasuke is so— He doesn’t know what it is but he’s different. Some sort of confidence to his stance, a lack of edge to it. It weirds him out. </p><p>“I—,” Naruto starts, but can’t find the words. Sasuke clicks his tongue as he rolls his eyes, makes his way towards the wardrobe and opens it, picking up Naruto’s clothes. </p><p>Wait.</p><p>His clothes.</p><p>Why does Kakashi have his clothes?</p><p>“C’mon, idiot, just dress up, okay. I don’t think I can take Temari complaining about you another day.”</p><p><i>What?</i> Naruto thinks. When did Sasuke and Temari ever talk? The last time he was even mentioned in front of her she looked as uninterested as always, her opinion of Sasuke pretty much the same as Shikamaru’s. Not that great. So when did he become someone she goes to complain to? Why would she?</p><p>“I said c’mon,” Sasuke says again, throwing him the clothes. These are his clothes, but not really. But it smells like his. The room smells like his. And Sasuke’s. And— “Don’t make me throw water at you.”</p><p>Naruto looks up and finally stares at him, right in his eyes. Sasuke still has the mug on his hand, looking at him from above with a smug expression. And then he does the least thing Naruto would expect.</p><p>He smiles.<br/>
And then he kisses him. </p><p>It’s quick, so quick Naruto could’ve missed it. But he doesn’t because it’s Sasuke’s lips against his own, the smell of coffee, a sort of smile on his best friend’s lips that Naruto had never seen. “Good morning,” he whispers, still close to him, before shoving the mug on Naruto’s hand and leaving the room.</p><p>Wait. </p><p><i>Wait</i>. </p><p>Waitwaitwaitwait.</p><p>What the actual <i>fuck</i>?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this fic happened thanks to the sannin who started talking about naruto in my list in the damned year of 2020. thank you dicey, anton, and more. without you i would have a year not plagued by sasunaru, but you couldn't have that, could you?</p><p>also thanks to lei who always read my stuff and says this doesn't suck. very kind of you. </p><p>i actually started this fic in 2014 lmfao so it's crazy to see it come to life. never give up on your dreams, this is what naruto is truly about. amazing. </p><p>also, needed to say: this fic was heavily inspired by turn, a harry potter/draco malfoy fic by sarah's girl, life is strange, and the whole of taylor swift's album, who i am almost sure is a sasunaru shipper. allegedly.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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